a rambling heart...

la la laaa

i feel so far away
trying to find a way
to get things our ways
i'm about to be blown away
please, don't let me fly away

ehey eheyy ...hey hey  :))

tonight is kind of meh. 
warm and empty.
i am aimlessly wandering.

i got home quite late * well that is nothing new *.
sigh. what a day? what did you do during the day exactly?
apparently nothing. my day was tiring. 

i am exhausted. my body is tired.  it aches everywhere.  enough said.

so there i was, looking around, at every corner of the house. 
i always do that!. everytime, i step into the house.  i don't know why?
then, did everything as always. all those housewive's chores u know.
i only have free time during the night and the weekend. 

simple.  i am a working wife.

orang tua tua ckp, jgn menyapu mlm mlm.
aku ckp, tak leh tahan. 


things are looking normal. but why is it not to me?
home is great. no doubt about it.
eventhough it's not fully complete, i am blessed.


nizam is a good man.  no doubt about it.
failing to show unconditional love for me has always been normal.  *which this is vital and compulsory in my dictionary of life - being loved all the time* da da da da da.  no use of going on strike for the past three years.  *yawn* 

that has always been him. that is who he is.  in and out!.  sigh. i guess, at least, i do understand him.
hurm, are u sure? heh...ok, i admit, to me that is not normal.  well hey, nobody is perfect.  i am blessed.

i have 3 wonderful cats. 
now,  hamsters as new pet.
they are adorable.

i am an animal lover. 
to me it is about companionship. 
:)). to love and to be loved.
they just melt when we cuddle them. * my cats of course :P*
i am blessed, they are still with me. 

family, they will forever be in my heart.  no doubt about it too.
always and forever be my treasure.
mom n dad, are the greatest
my sister and brothers, mean everything to me.
my family is a great thing to have.  i am blessed. 
oh, how i miss them so much.  :((

haihh...i am trying to remember, when was the last time i laughed like bananas?
melemparkan senyuman itu mudah.  senyuman dari hati?  tidak. 
how about faking it? yup2, i am good at it. no doubt about it either.

i am trying to search within me, to look upon what is missing.  what is it?
why is it still empty?  where has the spirit gone? 

it looks like i just go on and on with this life.  just like rain falling from the sky. 
what ever it is, i know there is something missing in me.  and it is me. 
the days have gone, and slowly fading. 
i am fading.  it feels like i am no longer exist.  where is she i wonder?.

these past few months have been a big mystery.
and what ever it is, i always remain calm.
i lied. :P

i am thankful though for what i have, trying to make the best of the remaining me.  whatever that is left in my cold heart to live laugh and love. out there, others suffer the worst. 

aku nak period agaknya.  sad and unhappy, are common to pms symptoms.  ^_^.

ps:  every roads are not the same. i am adjusting. i compromise.