yep, it hurts. well, we will get over it, as time flies...

ari tu, intan ade wat entry, "tak boleh ke" tekejot aku bace entry dier sbb ianya wat aku tringatkan cite ribena aku dulu. uhuks. bkn intan ok, dont get me wrong, kisah tu jer. ade persamaan sket. i lost him. :(. i think. i just want him to be happy n to move on wth his life :(. which aku pon tak sangka pedihnye nak wat sme tu.

anyways, murthada aka chist *i called him that* his real name is a bit weird :). he is just like a dear brother to me. baik sgt, sweet sgt. sme sme, everything about him. we met at a friend's house. pak pandiaq's, bile ni eh? bbq dinner ni. aku umo 17-18 ni , mentah agik. well, so there he was, wearing black t-shirt *tight la* hihi n his fav jean. smart!!

"milo, sape tu?. tu la chist.", "nape die wat tak kenal sue jer". "long, ko gi la tego die kalao ko nak tau ngape die cm tu" "asal sue plak, bkn nye tak kenal asal die wat sombong camtu". "tamohhhhhhhhhhhhh". chist is a very shy person btw, just to cut the story short okay. shy to the extreme. *ptuis* so semalaman wat dono saja la.

mlm tu dah balik umah memasing, ape lagi YM lah, ngamok2 pe sme hahaha *soME*. tanah tego sbb aku dtg ngan milo??? tapape tah. blah blah -blah. since that nite, kami sgt rapat. lima tahun kemudiannyer, he proposed. me tejot sgt! speechless! he made me a hand-made card with spider on it! tomeyhhhhhhh, n sweeeeeeeeeeet. zmn tu aku cam spider-sue cm tu . tapapetahhhh!

aku tak tekate ape, so i told dad, asap!, he said, ", hes ok wat. abah ske chist, hes a nice youngman, walaopon temetot, seswai la ngan kak long" hahaha die rendah sket dr apak aku :P, "mane boleh bah! die tuwa pd sue taww" bla blah bla * recalling btoi ni nampak gaye* aku keje enjoy je mase tu, ape yg aku nampak? tak tepk pon ke arah arah tu sme.

tahun ke tahun, die masih bersabar. smp satu masa, he found out, about me and arman. he said this, he said that. but i wasnt listening :(. kalau sue dgr ckp dier mase tu, tade la aku ended up in the hospital! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hate arman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dah, aku dah move on

he waited and waited. one fine day, mase tu aku baru balik kelas, nak online ngan die sme, nak cite how bad my day was, nak tu nak ni, yer laa sme la nak cite. pastu he wanted me to read his letter. i wsnt thinking of anything la mase tu. tekoyak rabak ati aku ni hah bile dah slesai bace. katenye, aku punca segalanya, die tade sosial life pe sme, 24/7 with me, tak lame ngan gfs dier. me?? konflik sane sini, me?? aku takwat ape ape pon. i was changing bfs kannn mase tu? cm tukar kasot. i explained dah dulu, mase dpt kad die tu. me??????

aku taktau aku memberi kesan sampai mcm tu skali dlm idop dier. seolah olah aku la punca sme nye gagal pd dier. euw, sad lah. he blamed me :(. sedih tul. demi kebahagian die, i let him go. my last word to him, ni satu keputusan yang kurang bijak. ade manyak lagi cara tp why it had to be like this. so bye bye la kat situ.

i guess, its so easy to serve our own needs to use others to fill the void within. i admit ive not always acted with oni his good in mind. i didnt really understand this at first. i began to ask why our friendship still left so much in each of us unfulfilled. tho i had my circle of friendss, i was uncertain but there was an assurance I was missing. himmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

we helped each other cope with difficulties, but we still frequently failed. we overlooked each other's faults, but the faults remained. as much as we told each other, there were still things we couldnt say. id the love of a friend, but i was still profoundly lonely.

I didn't believe that anyone could ever change that, but I was wrong. there was an answer. friendship is a gift to be treasured - I am or I was ? jst am grateful to be a part of his life.
sometime either he or i had to make the first move. step out and take a chance. nothing ventured, nothing gained. qwe were not identical personalities. weren't looking for perfection bur we cared about one another.

as time flies, i found ways to express myself. we have been best friends for tah la mcm forever, time and distance notwithstanding. we have now i guess, both grown and changed, i dont know if i have not but the bond we share has only grown stronger. *aku sorang pon takpe* dulu when things are going great, i know who i want to tell, when things go wrong, i just know who i want to call.

But those were the days….cedeyhnyer intan. why why *sobs*

ade hikmah after we put it a stop to our friendship. dah tak de konflik lagi between die dengan sape sape saja dlm kehidupan dia. i am still, sedih sbb mmg die dah 'pergi' for good. havent heard abt him since and sedihnye bile TErsurfing kat fotopages, hati ni kan tegerak gak nak cr die tanye kabar die, die mcmmane pe sme. rapat mah. so i tried to search him there, mane la tau kot kot ade kekee. sapela yg tade fotopages ye dak?? eh ade gak yg tade keke ...epy kot *syhhhhh*tenampak pix kawen dia, *tekejot* sbb it is him! sbb taktau pon die dah kawen thn lps. die tau umah kat ne, my hp no, my house fon no. sme tau. tp tak bitau pon. :(

and, he chose my birthday for his ijabkabul *sebakNye*

p/s - tahniah chist! smoga berbahagia. u will always be in my heart!